Wisdom, Knowledge, collected from
Many Self help books and Tapes
MISCELLANEOUS
  • Give with out expecting anything in return.
  • Think abundant rather than scarcity.
  • If life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.
  • Beliefs restrict, knowledge empowers.
  • Create an imagination of what you want to be real.
  • Get a clear idea of something you want to happen in
    life, keep focused.
  • I am more than what bothers me.
  • If you are what you do, if you don't what are you?
  • Shed fault finding, your life is all that happened up to now.
  • The body will die, you are eternal.
  • There are no accidents in the universe.
  • Think globally, not locally
  • You are not your name, job or other labels.
  • Allow your self to be bored. it can lead to relaxing
    in the moment.
ACHIEVEMENT:
  • Persistence generally leads to results.
  • Goals are specific measurable accomplishments that can be achieved.
    these should be stated with an action verb e.g.: I will save $1000. by 1995.
  • Motivation is an inner force that compels behavior.
  • Compelling behavior arises from imagination and memory.
    Types of motivation : -
            Intrinsic motivation for its own sake. is self fulfilling. -
            Extrinsic motivation for external gain (get paid for it).
    Types of motivations :
  •         1 -status with experts (recognition)
  •         2 -acquisitive (acquisition of things)
  •         3 -achievement via independence (own ability)
  •         4 -status with piers (how regarded by others)
  •         5 -competitive (winning)
  •         6 -concern for excellence. (be the best)
  • Intrinsic motervators are: achievement via independence and concern for
    excellence.
  • Highly motivated people have stronger mental images of their goal.
  • Imagination is a skill and can be developed. if you do not use it will
    get weaker.
  • Imagination is the beginning of motivation. what you see is building on
    your immigration. You can control imagination.
  • Achievers taste victory.
  • There is a cognitive map: image of goal achievement. The negative feed
    back loop works to correct errors.
  • We can assume helplessness and give up. Assumed helplessness is a
    learned behavior and can be unlearned.
  • Develop the ability to live with uncertainty and deferred gratification.
  • Break down goals into sub-goals (which are attainable). sub-goals should
    be specific.
  • The more vivid your image the more likely you will succeed in reaching a
    goal. select goals which are attainable with a predicted probability of success.
SELF DESTRUCTION:
  • Your moods are created by your "cognition" or thoughts.
  • Guilt trips -I have (have not) done something wrong. this falls short of my
    moral standards of fairness. -
  •             This behavior shows the I am a bad person. -
  •             I feel worthless. (leads to depression) -
  •             If others find out what I did they would look down on me. (leads to shame) -
  •             I am in danger of punishment (leads to anxiety)
  • When you are depressed, your thoughts are dominated by negativity. the

    third principal, negative thoughts nearly always contain gross distortions.
  • Cognitive distortions all or nothing thinking: black & white, complete
    success only, getting only an "A" etc.
  • Cognitive distortions over generalization: it always goes wrong, never
    right. believe things will always be the same. words can, can't, always, never etc.
  • Cognitive distortions mental filters: pick out the negative detail on any
    situation and dwell on it. filter out anything positive. everything is
    negative, the technical name for this is "selective abstraction"
  • Cognitive distortions disqualifying the positive: transform numeral or
    even positive events into negative into negative ones. this may be referred to
    as "reverse alchemy" (turning gold to shit)
  • Cognitive distortions jumping to conclusions: arbitrary jump to the
    negative conclusion.
  • Do-nothings :how to beat it we can change our mood by how we think. People
    are also doers. When you're depressed you do not feel like doing much. it
    paralyzes the will power or at least causes procrastination. because you do so
    little, you feel worse and worse.
  • Mind sets associated with depression. -
  •             1) hopelessness -
  •             2) helplessness -
  •             3) overwhelmed -
  •             4) jumping to conclusions -
  •             5) self labeling -
  •             6) under valuing the reward -
  •             7) perfectionism -
  •             8) fear of failure -
  •             9) fear of success -
  •             10) fear of disapproval or criticism -
  •             11) cohesion or resentment -
  •             12) low frustration toleration -
  •             13) guilt and self blame.
SELF IMPROVEMENT:
  • Stress anxiety is abnormal. eliminate negativity in life, this is a stressor.
    disconnect emotions from the output of an event. the outcome only
    determines the next step you will make. nothing is a big deal.
    stress is self created.
  • The reality of your life. past, present and future is all there is.
  •     You can only do things in the present -that's all you have.
  •     The past could as well been a movie as from personal experience.
  •     The future is what you make it now.
  • Taking responsibility of your life means you are in total control of what
    happens in your life. if we know that we can create our own misery, we can also
    create our own joy. taking responsibility is never blaming anyone else for how
    we are thinking or feeling. taking responsibly means not blaming your self
  • You have always done the best you possibly could given the person you were
    at any point in time. you can learn new things and do the best with this
    new knowledge.
  • Taking responsibility is knowing when you are not being responsible.
  • clues that you are not acting responsible include:
  •             Anger
  •             Blaming others
  •             Upset
  •             Pain
  •             Vengeance
  •             Self pity
  •             Envy
  •             Helplessness
  •             Impatience
  •             Joylessness
  •             Fatigue
  •             Addiction
  •             A judgmental attitude
  •             Disappointment
  •             Jealousy
  • Figure what you are doing to advocate responsibility.
  • Values: are the concepts and feelings that you rate most highly in your
    life. values must align with goals. question values, are other people's values
    and not your own. values may change as life goes on.
  • There are about 25 different values world wide. Example: peace of mind,
    security, health, wealth, close relationship wife/children, meeting the right
    person, a meaningful job, power, friendship, being in business for your self,
    respect from others, being thought of as a good person. set goals with align
    with your top 10 values.
  • Time management is total control of your time.
  •             Avoid distractions.
  •             Do not get sucked into other
    people's problems.
  •             Things can go wrong if you let them.
  •             Prioritize activities.
  •             Plan your work and work your plan.
  •             Most unplanned events are avoidable.
  •             Proactive choose what to work on.
    avoid "reactive" (reacting to stimuli) actions. Responsibility is your ability
    to choose your own response. Do not empower other
    people's weakness by your response.
  • Determination says your life is predetermined. Don't believe it. Learn to
    recognize the three type of determination:
  •             a) genetic determination. your
    grandparents did it to you.
  •             b) psychic determination. your
    parents did it to you (guilt trip)
  •             c) environmental determination.
    your boss/spouse/economics/national policy ... etc. did it to you.
  • Values are what are most important to you. make sure they are yours, not
    some one else's. it is like a script of the rest of your life.
  • Live by your own standards, not other's
  • Your values are influenced by who you associate with.
  • Some fear is healthy and necessary but others is not. the bottom line of all
    fear is the feeling that you can't handle what life will bring you. If you knew
    you could handle anything, you would not be afraid of anything.
    develop a trust in your ability to handle it.
  • 5 truths about fear:
  •       (1) fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow.
  •       (2) the only way to get rid of the fear about doing
    something is to out and do it.
  •       (3) the only way you will feel better about your self
    is to go out and do the thing you fear.
  •       (4) every one feels fear when on unfamiliar territory.
  •       (5) pushing through the fear is less frightening than
    living with the bigger underlining fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.
  • Begin with the end in mind.
  • You can not have a better past.
  • Think of your funeral. here are 4 speakers, friends, work, family and
    church or social group you attend.
  • What would you want them to say about you.
  •             What achievements will you want to have made.
  •             What have you contributed to society.
  •             Write down a "mission statement", determine your values.
  • Put first things first.
  • Relax about the future, there is only now.
  • The door opens inwards, look for answers inside your self.
  • Your biggest enemy is your chatterbox (inner voice). we are afraid to be
    alone with it. we turn on TV, radio or anything to escape it. the chatterbox
    reinforces negative thoughts. the thing to do is to replace the negative
    chatterbox with a positive one.
  • Research shows that over 90% of the things you fear, never happen anyway. it
    is more reasonable to anticipate the positive. if a bad thing happens, remember
    "I'll handle it". negative thoughts caused learned inability.
  • The subconscious mind believes what you tell it. it is possible to program
    the mind to be positive. affirmation can be used. an affirmation is a statement
    in the present tense and positive. out talk your negativity: use quotes, audio
    tapes, music, books.
  • There is a general law in human nature that you get back what you put out.
    negative vibes attract negative energy. positive vibes, positive
    energy. ask your self "if I really made a difference, what would I
    be doing", and do it.
  • Grievances bring turmoil
  • If you blame some one, know you are the one feeling it.
  • Release fear and guilt
  • Snow ball effect: one thought leads to an other and leads to problems
    solution: nip it in the bud.
  • Be aware of your moods, and don't allow your self to be fooled by low moods.
    in low moods, we lose prospective.
  • Others make the rules. Even if the rules are wrong, you have to play by the
    rules. it may not be fair. rules can only be changed by the rule maker. you
    may be able to influence the rule maker, but if not, play by the rules. (Until
    you get in position to write the rules)
  • Create a dream list (anything can be a dream even the impossible) values
    file (make sure they are yours, not some one else's) it is like a script of the
    rest of your life.
  • Test all your "cant's". one common self-defeating thought pattern is you
    can't your self every time you think of something productive to do. example: I
    can't get out of bed; I can't clean my apartment...
  • Know where you are going, and who is going with you: only in that order
    (quoted by sam kean)
  • Define what you spend your time on. Things were done one way for a reason at
    that time, time changes
  • Live by your own standards even if it is unpopular
  • Make a difference
  • Don't put the cart before the horse. people who procrastinate often confuse
    motivation and action. waiting until you are in the mood to do something. the
    belief that motivation comes first. it is the other way around, action comes
    first, than motivation. than more action.
  • Integrity: true to self and others
  • Must take control of the elements life
  • Nature is random, neither good or bad
  • We are responsible for our own behavior. no one else is
  • What you think is what you become.
  • Will power is based on your response to specific stimulus.
  • Reason things out logically.
  • Should statements like; I should do this, I must do that, cause pressure and
    resentment. solution; look at things realistically.
  • Labeling and mislabeling: example;
  •             I am a failure.
  •             I am a born loser, etc.
    Mislabeling involves words which are inaccurate an "emotionally" loaded.
    labeling other people you from seeing other (generally positive) aspects of
    their personality.
  • Your thoughts create your emotions (feelings). unpleasant feelings merely
    mean that you are thinking something negative and believing it.
  • Almost all negative emotional reactions inflict their damage only as a
    result of low self-esteem. poor self-image can transform trivial mistakes into
    overwhelming symbols of personal defeat.
  • You can not gain worth by what you do. self-worth based on
    accomplishments is "pseudo-esteem". cognitive therapy refuses to buy
    into the your sense of worthlessness. the evidence of your
    "worthlessness" usually makes no sense. the more depressed you feel,
    the more twisted your thinking becomes. example: if you want to make a
    grade of 95% and only make 94% you are not a "total failure". sexual
    performance also falls in this area. perfectionism and impossible
    exceptions can cause it.
  • Dealing with negative thoughts -talk back to the internal critic.
  •             (a) write down tactical thoughts
    as they go through your mind.
  •             (b) learn why these thought are distorted.
  • practice talking back to negative thoughts so as to develop a more realistic
    self-evaluation system.
  • compare the automatic thought (self-criticism) with the rational response
    (self-defense). In other words deal with it as you go along.
  • Virtually any meaningful activity has a decent chance of brightening your
    mood. mastery accomplishments are those which represent
    some accomplishment.
  • Keep a record of dysfunctional thoughts and the rational response
  • Your the only person in the world who can effectively persecute your self.
    the greatest obstacle to effective action the moment you think of it
    is excuse, "but".
  • If you really want to motivate your self, you have to get off your "but".
    learn to endorse your self. pat your self on the back.
  • Your sense of worthlessness is your on-going self-criticism. it takes the
    form of "internal" conversation. many depression episodes are set in
    motion by external criticism.
  • Learn to identify negative thoughts you are having when you are being
    criticize. (automatic thoughts "self-criticism" an rational responses
    "self-defense")
  • If someone criticizes you, they may be right or wrong. even if they are
    right, there is no reason to be upset. just acknowledge the error. of course
    some people need love and approval of other people in order to be
    worthwhile and happy.
  • If the critic is just plain wrong, some times the critic differs on matters
    of taste. thank the person for their comments. say their point is important.
    emphasize there is a need for more knowledge about the point raised.
  • Have self-esteem or at least act as if you do. the first response is
    investigative, is there a grain of truth in what the critic says? just what did
    I do that was objectionable?
  • Self renewal (sharpen the saw) physical exercise: stretch, aerobics, muscle
    tone. bike, swim, etc.
  • All past experiences are part of your life, forgive your self
  • Avoid "I" (ego)
  • Be conscious of your thoughts and internal dialogue
  • Coax bad habits down one step at a time
  • Curb the need to be right
  • Examine what offends you and get the ego out of it
  • Failed relationships do not make you a failure
  • Forgive your self for past transgressions, it is over
  • Free your self from addiction
  • Free your self from prejudice
  • Have conference with god, be willing to work it out your self
  • Past messages that do not bring peace are wrong
  • Let go of beliefs of inadequacy
  • Let go of repetitive negative inner dialogue
  • Remove the idea that it is impossible
  • Take full responsibility for all events in your life, you are responsible.
  • Witness your thoughts Don't limit your thinking.
  • Write down 5 things you are have the most stubborn positions.
  • Become an early riser. it is quiet in the morning, no interruptions, no rush.
PEACE:
  • Affirmation: "in my world everything is perfect"
  • Allow your higher self to guide you
  • Appreciate beauty
  • Be peaceful
  • Be still and know
  • Do not judge god
  • Get back to nature
  • Give more & ask less
  • God created you perfect
  • Individual intelligence is everywhere.
  • Know you are eternal
  • Know you do not have be your best at all times
  • Let go of "more is better"
  • Let go of the ego, try for peace
  • Lighten the material load
  • Live in the present
  • Look in the mirror, say: "I love you"
  • Love is the antidote to fear and doubt
  • Love is the least threatening
  • Love thy neighbor
  • Make love the focus of your life
  • Recite "love" over and over
  • Retreat every day in some relaxation
  • Shift from a career to a calling
  • Simplify, simplify
  • Slow down, think
  • Take time to relax
  • Trust in your divine power
  • Trust your intuition.
  • Turn problems over to god
  • Use positive words such as "absolutely"
  • You are a soul with a body, not body with a soul
  • You are here to love and be loved
  • Create patience practice periods. success feeds on itself.
  • Write a heart felt letter. you may not send it, but the experience can be positive.
  • Nurture a plant.
  • Become a less aggressive driver.
PROSPECTIVE:
  • Define what is important (health, happiness ...
  • Avoid the superficial purposes of life
  • Be content with who you are, not other's opinion
  • Objects do not give you freedom, they enslave you
  • Don't sweat the small stuff" "it's all small stuff"
  • Small stuff takes more energy than it is worth.
  • The need for perfection takes away from our goals most things in
    like are OK now.
  • When you die, your in-basket won't be empty. some one else will
    finish it for you.
  • Surrender to the fact that life is not fair, nor should it be
    fair.
  • Repeat to your self "life is not an emergency" -Think of what you
    have instead of what you want.
  • Get conformable with not knowing.
  • Cut your self some slack.
  • Remember: what will it mean in 100 years.
  • Redefine meaning full accomplishments. mental stability is more
    important than classic successes.
  • Keep asking your self, what is really important.
  • Live this day as if it were your last. did you say "I love you" ,
    or spend quality time with some one.
  • Question: will this matter in a hundred years.
    • DEALING WITH PEOPLE :
    • Empathy: see where he is coming from.
    • Become a better listener.
    • Should help others but not do it for them
    • Avoid dictating to smaller people
    • Disarming the critic : agree with the critic.
    • Only one person in the world has the power to put you down -and
      you are that person, no one else!
    • Verbal judo: learn to talk back when you're under the fire of criticism.
    • No one lives to serve you, or you to serve others
    • Avoid finding enemies
    • Avoid exaggeration to impress others
    • Do not be afraid of disapproval
    • Do not compare your self with others
    • Think win/win : do not go for a win/lose or lose/win solution. If
      there is not a win/win solution, it is often to go for no deal.
    • Communication: seek to understand, than be understood. people who
      don't care what other people think, often think too much. If both
      people want to be understood and not listen, this is a mutual
      monologue.
    • Cooperate with a solution that gives everyone something. A third
      solution is generally better that the other two. This is not the same
      as compromise.
    • Do not condemn others
    • Don't judge people based on physical characteristics
    • Don't need to prove yourself to others
    • Every one in life is valuable
    • Give with out receiving
    • Have tolerance for past injustices
    • If the choice is be right or be kind, be kind
    • Judge not
    • Keep track of judgment thoughts
    • Keep a journal of what bothers you about people, and what it says
      about you.
    • Let others work out their own differences
    • Negative thoughts about others say something about your self
    • Note other's acts of kindness
    • Practice generality
    • Practice listening
    • Resist being boastful, be interested in others
    • Service to mankind is the highest
    • Tell some one that you love them
    • That which is toxic to all is toxic to you
    • When you seek happiness for others, you will find your own
    • Don't interrupt others or finish their sentences. this causes both
      people to speed up. also may not know what the other person is saying,
      since you are answering for them.
    • Give with out letting anyone know that you did.
    • Choose your battles wisely.
    • Do something even if it not your turn.
    • Compliment people if they do something you like, or deserves a
      compliment.
    • Resist the urge to criticize. it only says you have a need to
      criticize.
    • If some one throws a ball, you don't have to catch it.
    • Fill your life with love. tap into loving kindness.
    • Mind your own business. avoid getting into other peoples problems. one
      reason for doing this is to avoid looking into your own problems.
    • Agree with criticism directed towards you. it defuses a situation
      and there may be a grain of truth in the criticism.
    • Choose to be kind instead of being right. you generally feel worse
      after putting some one down.
    SELF KNOWLEDGE:
  • You think 5000 things a day, generally the same ones
    as yesterday
  • You feel the way you do right now because of the
    thoughts you are thinking at the moment.
  • HOW YOU KNOW YOUR SELF:
  •            
    high points in your life
  •             scripts/tapes/software from
    early life
  •             what 10 pictures from your
    life would you include in your autobiography
  •             what do you carry in your
    pocket/pocketbook
  •             who are your heroes
  • Intellect provides the means to accomplish tasks,
    emotions provides the reason.
  • Just who is making you angry. there is a discussion
    about external events (not in your control) and internal
    events (which are in your control).
    • DIFFICULT PEOPLE:
    • Know-it-all -"superior" people: condescending or imposing if the
      if they know what they are talking about. pompous if they do not.
    • The negativist is always finding fault with every idea. They tap
      into the potential for despondency in each of us. They have the
      feeling that they do not control their lives. Need others to solve
      problems. Believe those in power don't care and self-serving.
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    Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish,
    you feed him for his life.
    Angles don't die therefore are not afraid of death/sickness have
    clear goals (given by god), no conflicts have no natural emotions
    therefore more logical have no sexual needs, therefore no
    competition/stress/need to look good

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